My promise to you was that I would share some of my crazy experiences while I was off gallivanting with the Grim reaper. I wasn't bed ridden the whole time (although I would have loved to have been), I did go out and spent time with my Fancy and Marie/Charo my biological mother. I share with you these stories not for shock value but perhaps to make you a little more appreciative of your situations be them family, love, work, etc.
So the important parts. No, no absolutely not. I did NOT lose one friggin' pound even though I didn't eat for nearly two weeks straight. I thought for sure I would emerge a Kate Moss waif and instead I was just more mush like than ever. Yes, I am thin but it is well known 'round these parts that I am 99% flab. I did read a ton. A ton of gossip mags. It prodded my Fancy to comment that I had breasts like Jen Aniston (she was ALL over the rags). Liar. My breasts are like Dolly Parton jr.
Miss B: "Am I as thin as Jennifer Aninston?"
I don't know why I asked this question. I felt like I already knew the answer, but I was bored and he brought her up. Remember he is personal trainer, I expect him to be an expert on these things.
The Fancy: " Uhm, no, she's thinner, more fit."
Miss B: "Are you serious? I know she's more fit but she's not thinner, is she? She's browner but you really think thinner?"
The Fancy: "Okay, okay I was wrong, you're thinner and more crazy."
I then became obsessed with what he thought my body looked like and I begged him to scour my Us Weekly's, People, Star to show me what he thought my body was comparable to. His answer?
The Fancy: "No."
Then one miraculous morning at the apex of my thyphoid, while I was looking for great bangs images on Google for my new haircut he decided to grant a dieing girl her last request and he made a comment that went along the lines of this:
The Fancy: "You're thinner than that girl."
I decided at that moment that no matter how bad things ever got with my Fancy that I would never leave him.
This is the image he was referring to:
While I reveled in my bliss, I heard him add something.
Miss B.: "What was that my darling, baby, angel, love of my life?"
The Fancy: "Yeah, she looks like she has no muscle tone either."
And just like that, true love was revealed.