BAND-AID COLORED PAINT AND GIANT BLACK GRIZZLY BEE'S

As you may have deduced Ace and I are the first couple to EVER move. Yes, we have taken on the Gibraltar size task so you wouldn't have to.  Columbus discovering America?  Was that really a move? Colonialists? Your grandma retiring to Florida? I don't know. I feel like we are the first people to ever attempt this.  I have a suggestion--stay put, it's not worth saving the extra money and you may run into all sorts of unexpected detours like 'off' band-aid colored walls and grizzly bee's (okay, one grizzly bee, I know I made it sound like a swarm), the worse is neither the former nor the latter but the fact that your meager wardrobe does not fit in the narrow closet. Maybe if you were eight years old your clothes and shoes might be able to fit, but then you probably couldn't reach the clothes rack so you would be out of luck so you'd be in the same predicament as I am.

Okay so the low down, we were scheduled to move in this weekend, the owners of the property said that it would be freshly painted for move in.  I was happy, I like freshly anything.  I didn't know that they were going to take design license and paint it the color of a band-aid.  I assumed that it would be white, wouldn't you? To assume though is to make an 'ass' out of 'you' and 'me'. At the 11th hour we hired painters to paint it bright white. It took like six gallons of paint which is a lot for a Keebler elf size place (in my humble opinion). Who knew this alien flesh color would be so hard to get rid of?

After Band-Aid-gate was coming to an end I decided to take a quick break to rest my weary brain on the ladder when out of the corner of my orb I saw something that could only be described as a bee the size of a hummingbird.  Note, a hummingbird size bird is super cute, a hummingbird size bee is TERRIFYING.

{image stolen from these kind folk}

One of the painters Cesar was an amateur (read hack) etymologist and said it was a rare African bee that would kill us all if we didn't dispose of it first. Ace looked at me and knew if they killed it I would die myself so he had the other painter catch it and set it free on our deck, did I mention we have a deck? I think 'deckette' might be more apropos only our 3lb dog could fit out there which is a great thing because she can grill like nobody's business and I can't wait for summer 'cue. BTW, good thing they didn't kill the grizzly bee because I have come to find out that it was a European carpenter bee, harmless and sweet but still ugly as sin.

Okay, you now know I defied a near death experience and turmoil now the closet crisis.  What to do?  I ordered something called 'Wonder Hangers', a product that the ad said was only available via the TV offer. I paid a small ransom for rushed shipping only to find out that they lied and it was available at a 'Bed, Bath and Beyond' near minutes from my new place.  I do hope these so called 'wonder' hangers are as wonderful as they profess or someone we know is going to open up a can of whoop ass.

That was my welcoming party to the new casa.  In my haste I also bought gloss(ish) paint for the ceiling, which turned out to be a happy accident.  The sheen makes the ceiling feel higher or I may be losing my marbles but I prefer to think the ceilings look higher. Phew...